Playing Irish Page 15

  ‘Someone is coming,’ she said, hopping on one leg as she tried to fix the ankle strap of her shoe.

  ‘I should hope so.’

  Eva’s haste eased for a moment as she turned to stare at him. His calmness confused her. He hadn’t even reached for his pants.

  The approaching footsteps stopped suddenly and someone called Julian’s name from the distance.

  ‘The car is ready, Sir.’

  ‘We’ll just be a moment,’ Julian replied then lowered his voice to whisper for Eva’s benefit, ‘Evangeline is just having an issue with her clothes.’

  Eva was almost fully dressed before Julian called her attention to the delicate lace he dangled between his thumb and index finger.

  ‘Forget something?’ he asked with a cheeky grin.

  Eva’s eyes shot open, and she bit her bottom lip. More games, she thought, staring at her panties in Julian’s hand, unsure if she wanted to play or not.

  ‘I…I…forgot them?’ Eva said mortified.

  The corner of Julian’s lip twitched in the opposite direction to the tilt of his head. ‘You can have them back if you like, but it would be a shame. Your ass in those trousers is gorgeous, and being the only man who knows you’re naked underneath…’ Julian glanced at his hardening cock and Eva followed his stare. ‘…Well, you can see for yourself what the thought does to me.’

  Eva’s phone rang loudly from her bag relegated to the corner earlier. When Julian turned his head toward the ringing, Eva snatched her panties from his hand.

  ‘Well played,’ he said, smiling. ‘Seize every opportunity. I like that.’

  Eva smirked and tossed her hair to the side. Finally, a game she’d won. She was delighted with her efforts. But the ringing of her phone was incessant and interfered with her moment of triumph.

  She took it out of her bag, looked at the caller display, and sighed. A mix of relief and discomfort washed over her.

  ‘Everything okay? Who is it?’ Julian asked, breaking a silence that Eva hadn’t noticed had fallen over them.

  ‘Just a friend,’ she replied dutifully.

  ‘Do all your friends spark this sort of reaction from you?’

  ‘Hmm?’ Eva had taken to staring out the window.

  ‘Are you here with me? Julian asked softly. ‘You seem miles away, suddenly.’

  ‘Oh, sorry. I was expecting to talk to him earlier. It’s all a bit weird now.’

  ‘Him?’

  Eva thought she could detect a hint of jealousy in Julian’s tone, but she quickly brushed the notion aside as nonsense. Julian didn’t seem like the jealous type; he was too confident and self-assured. With his sculpted body and chiselled jaw, she guessed he was often the cause of other men’s jealousy.

  ‘I should really take this,’ Eva said, easing toward the door, her panties still in her hand.

  ‘Leaving me twice for this guy. Jesus, Evangeline this kind of thing could really give a man a complex.’

  Eva smiled and kissed him softly on the cheek. ‘We’re just friends.’

  ‘Do your friends always come first?’

  ‘Not always,’ Eva said honestly.

  ‘Just today?’

  ‘Julian Harte, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were a touch jealous.’

  Julian laughed loudly, and Eva couldn’t tell if it was a sarcastic gesture or not.

  ‘I’d like us to be friends,’ he said.

  Eva's eyes locked on his involuntarily. ‘Just friends?’

  ‘Okay…’ Julian smirked ‘…friends with benefits.’

  ‘Friends with benefits,’ Eva repeated, trying to hide her distaste for the term.

  ‘You said yourself that you’re not looking for everlasting love. It just hurts people.’

  Eva cast her eyes to the floor hoping to hide her reaction from Julian. Yes, she did say that, but she didn’t honestly mean it. Not one hundred percent. Not forever. It had been her guard all these years, her excuse even. Love hurt, so best to avoid it. It didn’t mean she was incapable of allowing herself to be happy in the right situation. And now she couldn’t take back her stupid words.

  Eva swallowed hard, worrying about how her voice might sound when she tried to speak. ‘What is this, Julian?’

  ‘It’s knickers,’ Julian said, pointing to Eva’s underwear that she hid in her clenched fist.

  ‘Can you be serious?’

  ‘Okay. I’ll try again,’ Julian smiled. ‘It’s great fucking.’

  ‘So, this is no strings, just games?’ Eva said.

  Julian nodded.

  ‘Sex games?’

  ‘Exactly. This way we’re both happy,’ Julian said, again pointing toward the panties in Eva’s hand.

  Eva shook her head sadly.

  ‘Is that not the right answer? Tell me, Evangeline. What exactly are you expecting?’

  ‘I’m asking what the hell are we doing?’ Eva couldn’t hold tears back any longer and a tiny salty trickle ran down her cheek.

  Julian didn’t try to dry them away as he had the last time she cried in front of him. He just watched, silently.

  ‘Am I going to receive a bill in the post for services rendered?’ Eva’s sobs were punctuated by delicate sniffles.

  ‘What? Like three orgasms, one condom plus taxes…’ Julian’s brow wrinkled as he quickly pulled on his trousers. ‘Don’t be silly.’

  ‘How is that being silly? It’s a serious question. It’s what you do, isn’t it? Women pay you to fuck them.’

  Julian’s whole face frowned. He seemed angrier now. ‘I’m an escort, not a gigolo. And no, I don’t fuck all my clients. Just the special ones.’

  ‘And I suppose I’m special?’ Eva was half mocking him, half mocking herself.

  ‘Yes. Evangeline Andrews. You are very special.’

  Eva gritted her teeth. Was that stupid compliment supposed to make her feel better? It didn’t. If anything, it made her feel worse. Would Julian have ever touched her if she wasn’t Little Miss Desperate? She was probably his most fun game yet, and suddenly, it disgusted her.

  ‘This is so fucked up.’ Eva’s tears stopped and were replaced by an angry pounding in her chest.

  ‘Why? Because you’ve experienced real pleasure for the first time in your life and it scares you?’

  ‘I’m not scared.’

  Julian caught Eva and spun her around to stare in the mirror. It wasn’t like before. He wasn’t gentle and passionate; he was determined and maybe angry. She couldn’t quite tell. He wasn’t hurting her, but she knew she couldn’t push him away even if she wanted to. It came as a shock to her that she didn’t want to.

  ‘I see your sadness almost every time I look in your eyes. Fuck knows why, Evangeline. You’re beautiful and the only person who can’t see it, is you.’

  ‘It’s just stuff that happened, before. You know. Bad stuff. It changes you.’

  ‘Shit happens to all of us, Evangeline. Doesn’t have to map out your life.’ Julian wrapped his hand around hers and placed them both over his tattoo.

  Eva wrestled free from his grip and stepped back so his whole body was in her view.

  ‘Okay… so, what’s your story, Mr. Shit Happens.’ Eva tried to sound like she was joking, but she really hoped he would take the opportunity to tell her something about his life, anything.

  ‘Well played. You’ve made your point.’

  ‘Have I?’

  It was frustrating the hell out of her that all she knew was that he was fucking amazing in bed and he liked games. How could she be so besotted with a man she knew so little about?

  ‘We’re both fucked up. It doesn’t need analysing or explaining. It’s just the way it is.’

  ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Eva made a conscious effort to keep her voice low; she was very aware that at any moment, she could stand on a conversational landmine and the whole thing could blow up.

  Julian snorted. ‘Yes, Doctor. Why don’t I just lie back on this couch here…’ Julian pointed to fictiona
l furniture beside him. ‘...and you can tap your pen on your notepad and tell me you understand me. Bullshit!’

  Eva stared doe-eyed with no idea what to say.

  ‘I can think of a much better way to release some tension.’

  Julian began to unbutton Eva’s blouse - again. She placed her hand on his to still his fingers.

  Julian shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck, clearly agitated. ‘Talking helps, then?’

  Eva nodded and smiled.

  ‘And I always thought sex was the answer.’ Julian shrugged and exhaled heavily.

  Eva sensed his cynicism, but she held her tongue. She was worried she would say the wrong thing and he would clamp down again, stop talking, and undo the tiny bit of progress she felt she’d made.

  ‘Let’s try this then, shall we?’ Julian’s face held an eager if not slightly irritated expression. One she hadn’t seen before. ‘How was your childhood, Evangeline?’

  Eva shook her head and backed away. ‘Don’t,’ she said, her eyes narrowing as she gauged his response.

  Julian shoved a clenched fist into his pocket. And Eva heard his teeth snap together as he locked his jaw angrily. She instinctively backed up against the wall and jumped as horrible memories flooded her mind.

  ‘I thought we were talking, opening up. Don’t like your own game, do you?’

  Eva didn’t reply.

  ‘Do you think you’re the only one with problems?’

  Eva’s eyes burned as tears swelled and her heart raced in her chest like a wild stallion.

  ‘Do you?’ Julian’s tone deepened and his balance was thrown to one side as he leaned toward her.

  ‘No,’ Eva mumbled, afraid.

  Julian stared into her eyes, and Eva felt as fragile as candy glass.

  ‘So what if I like money, fast cars, and sexy women. That stuff doesn’t solve problems, Evangeline. It just makes dealing with them easier. So, don’t try to act like you’re the only one who’s been through hell.’

  ‘I didn’t mean to…’

  ‘I know you didn’t. That’s your problem, though. You’re letting whatever the fuck happened to you before get in the way of who you are and how you see other people. If you’re not careful, it’ll destroy you.’

  ‘And what about you?’ Yeah, sure, he made a good point, but his argument sounded false to her ears.

  Eva was sick of being a pushover. This wasn’t a game anymore; she wanted answers. Did Julian want so badly to fix her because he was broken himself? Maybe. And maybe it would work and she could help him, or maybe they were both past the point of repair. None of it really mattered anyway, she told herself, maybe all this was just part of his game. But something in Julian’s eyes told her that, just for a moment, the game was on pause. And just for a moment, just that moment, her heart went out to him.

  ‘Like I said, shit happens to everyone. But some of us have more than others, okay? I’ve had more than my fair share. But it’s my shit and I’ve dealt with it. That’s what you have to do. Learn to deal with it.’

  Eva’s heart pounded. Julian just said everything that was bottled up inside her for the past decade. Whatever in the hell his problems were, they weren’t gone. He’d just learned how to cope. She wished she could do the same. She exhaled so deeply she thought she might pass out.

  Julian retreated away from her, getting dressed in silence, then paced a large area of the floor at least three times before returning to stand so close to her that she could feel the warmth of his breath fall against her head, and she longed for him to hold her, for his arms to make her feel safe.

  ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said…’

  ‘Shh.’ Julian placed his index finger on her lip and kissed her forehead.

  She was about to kiss him, so relieved she hadn’t driven him away, when she was interrupted by her phone beginning to ring again. She glanced at the caller ID, it was Nathan. Dammit.

  ‘Shouldn’t you answer that?’

  ‘It can wait.’

  ‘Answer the damn phone, Evangeline.’

  21

  Eva waited at the traffic lights and stared across the road. She’d purposely cut her phone call with Nathan short, and she’d ended with an abrupt, ‘Meet me at the Ha’Penny Bridge.’ It sounded much more like an order than a request, and Eva hoped Nathan hadn’t picked up on her grumpy tone.

  The lights changed and she crossed, sandwiched in the cluster of gathered pedestrians. Eva stared at the sky. Small, fluffy clouds scattered across the evening sun like spilt marshmallows. She folded her arms and rubbed her hands quickly back and forth over her upper arms, trying to brush away her forming goosebumps. It wasn’t overly chilly. Women around her still wore summer dresses and men were in short sleeved shirts, but Eva was cold.

  Perhaps it was how she’d left things with Julian. She’d left without even saying goodbye. Her words had cut him. She’d seen him bleed. Okay, it might have been just a graze, but she could see there were some deep wounds there. Maybe too deep to ever let anyone in. He’d almost let her in. He’d come so close to giving her a glimpse of the real Julian, but he’d stopped before he revealed anything of consequence, and she’d stormed out before she’d screamed.

  Or maybe it was how nervous she felt meeting Nathan. Silly, she knew, since there was nothing to be nervous about. They were just two colleagues meeting after work, but there was something hanging between them. Eva liked Nathan, but she just didn’t see him as a sexy guy. Cute and friendly - definitely. But could he make her panties wet? No, he really couldn’t.

  Eva suspected she was the problem. She measured Nathan against Julian. It wasn’t fair. Julian was the good-looking fantasy and Nathan was a more reserved reality. Yet, every time she thought about them, even now after Julian made his position on relationships very clear, Julian still came out on top. It was as if he possessed her. He had her mind, her body, her soul, and she was happy to give them to him. But she just wished she could have his in return.

  The large group of people made their way up the dated, concrete steps and under the pretty, wrought iron arch. For a moment, Eva was distracted as she watched them form subconscious rows to filter across the narrow bridge comfortably. Eva struggled to make her way to the side, almost dragged across in the flow. She waited by the low stone wall and stared at the River Liffey below. The gentle current soothed her, and for the first time in very long time, she allowed herself to think about her old life in New Jersey.

  She jumped as a hand grasped her shoulder and she turned around instinctively defensive.

  ‘There you are,’ Shelly said, beaming. ‘We almost didn’t see you.’

  ‘We?’

  Nathan appeared in Shelly’s shadow, and Eva jumped again.

  ‘You okay?’ Shelly said, sounding concerned.

  Eva shook her head and nodded all at the same time. ‘Fine, yeah. Just daydreaming. Sorry.’

  Shelly smiled.

  ‘So, you two…’ Eva began, pointing her finger at Shelly and dragging it across the air back to Nathan, not really sure what she was asking.

  ‘I bumped into Nate just after I left you. We got chatting and it came up that I was waiting for you. He suggested we all grab some dinner.’ Shelly suddenly looked uncomfortable. ‘I hope that’s okay?’

  ‘Of course,’ Eva said overly enthusiastic. She was so relieved to see Shelly. She was dreading dealing with Nathan alone and now she wouldn’t have to. She hoped whatever uncomfortableness had started between them would just fizzle out. Christ, she felt like a bitch. Was she leading him on? She wondered if Shelly had told him where she’d been. Not that Shelly had many facts. If anything had been said, it would probably have made things even worse.

  ‘Ah, good.’ Shelly switched back to her chirpy self instantly. ‘Anyway, I was dying to find out what happened with the guy back in the shop. Bloody hell, he was sex on legs. You should have seen him, Nate. H.O.T.’ She poked Nathan giddily in the ribs and he jerked to the side like she’d stabbed him
with a knife, not her fingers.

  ‘I’ve met him,’ he confessed through a disappointed stare at Eva.

  Eva’s heart raced. This was not where she wanted the conversation to go. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

  ‘Sooo, are you going to tell us or what?’ Shelly added, so excited that her head was bouncing almost independently of her body.

  ‘There’s nothing to tell, honestly.’ Eva waved her arm dismissively and started walking with no idea where she was going.

  ‘Nothing, my arse. You don’t spend an afternoon with a man like that and not come back without a story.’

  Eva lifted her hand to her face and sheltered her face from the heavy rain that seemed to come out of nowhere. Nathan opened a large golf umbrella and Shelly linked his arm and took shelter. Eva had no choice but to stand at his other side. She didn’t care much about keeping dry, but she knew if she continued to walk ahead, Shelly would sense that something was wrong.

  ‘Dinner?’ Shelly confirmed as they approached a rather flamboyant Chinese restaurant with porcelain dragon statues in bright, rainbow colours at each side of the large, golden door.

  Shelly and Nathan had made their way inside before Eva had time to answer. She waited until she was out of their view and glanced at her watch. She wasn’t due to have dinner with Julian for another two hours. Perhaps she could just nibble a small meal now and be ready for more again later. She wasn’t even sure if her arrangement with Julian still stood. She wanted to check her phone, but that would no doubt fuel Shelly’s curiosity. Cancelling would be easiest, but in spite of how they left things earlier, she didn’t want to. All she wanted was to run into the safety of Julian’s arms, away from the tension waiting inside the restaurant. She could see through the window that Nathan and Shelly had taken a seat. There was no getting out of this one.

  The service was pitifully slow. Large gaps lingered between courses. Luckily the conversation flowed. Shelly could talk enough for all three of them. She gave a recount of her shopping expedition and even pulled out her cream velvet evening dress to show them, almost splashing it with soy sauce. Nathan offered her plenty of compliments, and they laughed at each other’s jokes. But he never spoke to Eva. Not one word.