Playing Irish Read online

  Eva shifted in her chair. She could feel Nathan’s eyes burning into her.

  ‘So, did you get much shopping done? ’ Nathan finally asked mid-chew on a prawn cracker.

  Eva met his stare. She wasn’t sure if he was being sarcastic or not. Maybe he was just making polite conversation, and Eva was over analysing it. Ugh, her head hurt. Eva took so long sweating over her answer that Nathan changed the subject and offered to buy her a drink. She’d mumbled something about house white and stared at her handbag as if looking hard enough would help her to see her phone through the leather.

  ‘Eva, can you forget about Mr. Hot for ten minutes and just be in the room with us, please?’ Shelly said, jokingly.

  ‘Yeah, it would be kind of nice to get two words out of you, Eva.’ Nathan added sounding less jokey.

  ‘Of course,’ Eva said, embarrassed and feeling slightly put in her place.

  She glanced at Nathan who sat unusually still, his shoulders were slightly rounded and his cheeks a little flusher than normal. She looked across to Shelly, who sat silently shoving the rice around her plate with her fork. She felt horrible. She was making everyone uncomfortable. She finally had what she wanted. Friends. People who invited her out to dinner and asked her about her day, and she’d been rude and preoccupied with thoughts of a sexy, exciting man. This wasn’t her. What in the hell was she doing?

  ‘Sorry…I…’ Eva began.

  Shelly flicked a few lonely grains of sticky rice at Nathan. ‘Don’t mind him, Eva. He’s a cheeky so-and-so. You can think about Mr. Sexy-Fuck all you want. Hell, I know I would be. We’re just jealous. Aren’t we, Nate?’

  Shelly was laughing and Nathan tried to join, but his laugh sounded more like he was coughing up a lung.

  ‘Jesus, you could die of hunger in this place,’ Eva said in a bid to lighten the atmosphere. She was painfully aware of time ticking by. She couldn’t remember if her phone was on silent or not. She hadn’t heard any messages come in.

  ‘I’ve lost my appetite.’ Nathan’s eyes narrowed, and he tried to catch Shelly’s attention. Eva noticed her purposely look away to try to garner the attention of staff.

  ‘Eva, I don’t know how to say this…’ Nathan paused as if the words were making him physically uncomfortable. ‘There’s just something about him…’

  Julian? There was something about Julian? Eva’s eyes narrowed and her heart raced until it felt like it might burst through her chest. Nathan knows, she thought. Oh Christ, how could he know?

  ‘Eva, I don’t want to hurt you, but I think…’ Nathan continued.

  ‘Nathan,’ Shelly snapped. The usual girly giggle was missing from her tone, and she said his name like the syllables hurt in her mouth. ‘Don’t,’ she warned, saying more with her face than her words.

  ‘It’s okay,’ Eva said.

  ‘Look, it’s not the time or the place,’ Shelly insisted.

  ‘It’s okay,’ Eva repeated, placing her hand over Shelly’s. ‘I’m okay.’

  It wasn’t, of course, and she wasn’t. Eva was utterly shitting it that Nathan was about to expose her secret. But if it was going to come out, that she’d contacted an escort, she was glad on some level that it was here and now, amongst her friends. If Nathan had figured it out so quickly, it was only a matter of time before someone in the office came to the same conclusion and blurted it out at their next staff meeting. Oh, Christ, no. She shook her head just thinking about it. She couldn’t live with Meghan having that ammunition.

  Shelly smiled back at her friend, very obviously unconvinced. ‘Excuse me while I use the little ladies’ room.’

  She pushed her chair back painfully slowly. The timber legs squealed as they bucked across the pretty mosaic floor.

  ‘You know where I am if you need me, Eva,’ she said, squeezing Eva’s hand while glaring at Nathan.

  Eva watched as Shelly walked away, painfully aware of Nathan’s steadfast gaze on her every flinch. Fifty percent of her wished Shelly had stayed. Being alone with Nathan right now was about as appealing as plucking her eyebrows with pliers. The other fifty percent wanted to grab the pliers and just get it over with. Clear the air. Explain her position. Although since she really didn’t know what in the hell her position was, it could prove a little difficult to explain. And one hundred percent of her wanted to run away and not deal with any of this.

  Nathan raised his arm and silently signalled the waiter to their table.

  ‘Two scotch, on the rocks,’ he said. ‘Make hers a double.’

  Eva shook her head.

  ‘Don’t argue. You’ll need it.’ Nathan added superciliously. ‘I’ve done my research, Eva.’

  ‘Research?’ Eva tried hard to hide her disgust. Her life wasn’t a project open for his perusal. And his so-called research wasn’t very accurate… for one thing, he didn’t know that she hated spirits. She had ever since she was a little girl. The musty smell reminded her of her father.

  ‘Yes, Eva, research. I just had to check it out. You know when you find someone who is sweeter than sugar, but you just know deep down they’ve acid inside?’ Was he talking office politics, or did Meghan know about Julian, too? No, she couldn’t possibly. She’d never have been able to sit on gossip that juicy.

  Silence fell over them as the waiter placed two tumbler glasses of burgundy coloured liquid splashed over large, cubed ice in front of them. Eva shocked herself as she reached for the glass and poured the fiery whiskey down her throat in one large swallow. She gasped as the alcohol scorched on its path to her stomach.

  ‘Thirsty?’ Nathan asked, his eyebrows raised for effect.

  ‘No.’

  The heat of her alcohol breath over her lips felt like betrayal to her own resolutions.

  ‘She’ll have another.’

  ‘No.’

  The waiter was about to walk away, but Nathan caught his arm. ‘Well, I will. I need it. Actually, maybe just bring us the bottle.’

  The waiter turned to Eva for confirmation, but Nathan’s eyes were just as quickly upon her. There was a burning sadness in his expression, and she couldn’t deny his request. Maybe he was finding it as hard to tell her as she was finding preparing to hear it. Her lips twitched and she let her chin fall to her chest just once. The waiter left.

  ‘Making things complicated should be your middle name.’ Nathan laughed.

  Eva closed her eyes. His words rang true and she lacked the energy to argue.

  ‘Don’t worry, Eva. I know how it feels. I’m not exactly Mr. Popular in that place.’

  Nathan pointed out the window as if their office was next door to the restaurant.

  ‘You’re new. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It takes a while to settle in.’

  ‘Have you settled in?’

  Eva suspected that was a rhetorical question, so she drained her glass and waited for his next line.

  ‘I know I upset you the other day talking about the ball. I’m sorry. My mouth can be the biggest part of me sometimes.’

  Another correct observation, but this hurt less.

  Eva shook her head. ‘It wasn’t you. Honestly. Just me being an idiot. Nothing new there.’

  Anyone who worked in Ignite Technologies for longer than five minutes knew Eva liked to keep to herself. But Nathan was actually making an effort to draw her out of her shell. It was sweet, if not slightly uncomfortable.

  ‘It’s not okay. I feel awful. Even Meghan came over after you left to check if you were okay.’

  Eva’s face turned as if she’d bitten a lemon and her voice came out an octave higher than usual. ‘Meghan did?’

  ‘Yeah. I didn’t know you were friends. She just wanted to check where you had gone and if you were upset.’

  Eva felt like a wrestler had just grabbed her in a headlock. This was the last thing she needed.

  ‘And what did you tell her?’

  ‘Just that you were upset about the ball and you left.’

  Eva dropped her head back and her neck creaked. Da
mmit. That little nugget of information must have made Meghan’s day. Jesus, Nathan was a pro at putting his foot in his mouth.

  ‘Have I said something wrong again?’ Nathan asked softly.

  ‘No, it’s me. It’s just Meghan and I aren’t really friends, you know?’

  Nathan’s face reddened. ‘Shit, sorry…I didn’t know.’

  ‘It’s just that, well, actually she hates me. I don’t fit in there.’

  ‘You do.’ Nathan’s tone was so jumpy he was almost singing, rendering his argument beyond unconvincing.

  ‘It’s okay. I’m not sure I even want to. All the other girls go on the piss every weekend and fuck their way around corners. It’s pathetic.’

  Eva cast her eyes toward the back of the busy restaurant to find the bathroom door for any sign of Shelly. She felt bad as soon as the words passed her lips. Shelly fit in, but she definitely wasn’t pathetic. Eva hadn’t meant it like that. She’d never say stuff like that about Shelly and definitely not behind her back. She crossed her fingers that Nathan wouldn’t pick up on it.

  ‘Shelly,’ Nathan said suddenly.

  ‘No. Jesus. No, not Shelly. Shelly’s great. I really like her.’

  Nathan laughed softly and threw his eyes over Eva’s shoulder. ‘No, I mean Shelly’s on her way back.’

  What was that Eva was saying about Nathan and his foot in his mouth? She really wasn’t one to talk, blushing as bright as a cherry tomato.

  ‘So, did you ask her?’ Shelly said, sitting down and pulling her seat closer to the table.

  ‘Ask me what?’ Eva’s heart pounded. This was it. This was the moment it was all going to come out.

  ‘I didn’t get a chance,’ Nathan mumbled sheepishly.

  Shelly flicked her eyes to the ceiling playfully. ‘So I just spent twenty minutes talking to an old lady in the bathroom, about knitting, all for nothing? Bloody hell, you two. Right, before we all die of old age, I’m just going to say it.’

  Eva dropped her head, grabbed onto the corner of the table to stop herself from sliding off the edge of her chair and waited for the explosion.

  ‘Nathan has a feeling Mr. Hot has something to hide and he’s not good for you,’ Shelly blurted, almost laughing and bit into a prawn cracker.

  What? That was it? Eva wondered, almost forgetting to breathe. That was Nathan’s extensive research? A feeling. She looked at the glass of spicy liquid in her hand, but she didn’t drink it. The feeling of relief washing through her body was fabulous, and she didn’t want any more alcohol to hinder that. But this was close. Too close for comfort.

  Nathan rested his elbows on the table and covered his face with his hands jokingly.

  ‘There. Was it that hard to say?’ Shelly grabbed the bottle of whiskey that Eva hadn’t noticed the waiter bring to the table.

  ‘Oh, yum. Don’t mind if I do,’ Shelly said, pouring some into her empty wine glass. ‘Top up?’ she asked, pointing to Eva’s glass. Eva nodded instinctively, trying to reset her rapid breathing back to normal.

  Eva watched as Nathan and Shelly chatted and laughed. It was an unlikely friendship that she definitely didn’t see coming, but she liked it. And she liked that she was part of it. But with friends came questions. It was only a matter of time before questions about Julian were unavoidable. She just had a taste of how it could be if news of Julian broke and she knew she wasn’t strong enough. No amount of whiskey could help her then. She knew what she had to do.

  I’m sorry.

  I can’t do this anymore.

  Eva hit send on the text and instantly regretted it.

  ‘And there’s more,’ Shelly said drawing Eva’s attention away from her phone.

  Eva held her breath. More?

  Shelly nodded, beaming. ‘He’d like to know if you’d like to accompany him to the ball. Wouldn’t you, Nate?’ Shelly knocked her shoulder against Nathan’s like a giddy schoolgirl.

  Eva watched as Nathan scrunched his face with his hands. His whole body screamed nervous wreck. If she wasn’t mid-emotional-roller-coaster, she probably would have found it adorably funny.

  Eva nodded her reply gently. She was past words. Nathan took his hands down from his face and smiled. Eva smiled back and tried hard not to giggle at the reddened impressions of his fingers across his forehead. Shelly topped up his glass and teased him for not having the balls to ask himself.

  ‘Fucking finally.’ Shelly raised her almost empty again glass. ‘Cheers.’

  Eva followed Nathan’s lead, raised her glass, and tapped it against Shelly’s, making a large clinking sound. ‘Cheers.’

  ‘Now that that’s sorted, let’s see where the hell the dessert is. I don’t know about you, but I want cake.’

  22

  Dun Laoghaire Harbour was surprisingly quiet for a summer’s evening. A chilly wind had descended suddenly and most tourists had retreated to the warmth of wine bars and restaurants off the promenade. Julian relished the silence as his luxury yacht swayed from side to side on the soft waves, like a baby’s rocking cot. He loved the sea, but not even the clear view of the horizon could settle his uneasy feeling this evening.

  He paced the lower deck and reread the text on his phone. He wasn’t angry or upset by its concise message, merely bemused. Eva was learning. She was finally playing the game. But she was using the Coward’s Rulebook. He tucked himself behind the small oval table and tutted. The breeze from the overhead window danced across the top of his dark hair. He dropped his elbows onto the edge of the table, clasped his hands, and rested his chin on his knuckles. ‘Evangeline Andrews,’ he said, enjoying how her name sounded brushing past his lips as it broke the stillness of the room. ‘I know you can do better than that.’

  ***

  The quaint cobblestone side street in Dublin city centre suddenly felt enormous and lonely as Eva wandered aimlessly. Less than an hour before, she’d slugged one last mouthful of scotch and made a hasty exit, pretending something had suddenly come up. She had to act while there was a fire in her belly or she might chicken out. But by the time she’d reached the restaurant door, the fire was nothing more than smouldering ashes. She’d been wandering in circles since.

  It was cold now, and tiny goosebumps dotted across her exposed shoulders. Her phone vibrated in her bag, and Eva was reluctant to check it. She’d had endless texts and missed calls from Shelly, begging her to go clubbing. They’d all left to go home, but Shelly and Nathan appeared to have gotten distracted along the way, and they were now drinking cocktails named after body parts.

  Eva finally decided to answer the call. She prepared to spin something about already being home tucked up in bed and hoped Shelly would buy it. She rummaged in her bag but was surprised to see Julian’s number waiting on her screen. Her fingers shook as she scrolled down to read his text. She tucked herself against the drawn shutter of a hat boutique and closed her eyes. She took several deep breaths before opening them again to read.

  Dun Laoghaire Pier

  @ 9.30PM

  Eva pressed the heel of her hand just above her nose, easing some of the pressure from her burning headache. She was angry…no, frustrated …no, upset. She didn’t know what in the hell she was feeling, but whatever it was, it was possibly alcohol-related, and it was bloody horrendous. She was furious with Julian for not respecting her decision. Eva realised there was a fine line between furious and relieved as she punched a short reply into her phone and hit send.

  She was hoping for Julian’s swift reply, but the vibration of her phone in her clenched fist startled her, nonetheless.

  U already said that.

  Eva smiled. Suspecting he was, as always, flirting. She decided to rise to the challenge.

  And I’m saying it again.

  I can’t c u anymore.

  It started to rain. Large drops of chilly water trickled down Eva’s face. Her mint green dress turned emerald as the downpour showed no mercy. She shivered. She was freezing. A crisp breeze had piggy-backed on the fall of dusk, and she c
ould no longer feel the fire of whiskey in her belly. But she shivered most of all because long minutes had passed and Julian hadn’t replied. Maybe he was giving her what she asked for.

  She wiped a large raindrop off the screen of her phone with the edge of her cardigan, and her heart raced as she noticed the waiting image. Cool blue waves sparkled under a golden setting sun. She read the message that followed, over and over, as her heart beat attempted to break the sound barrier.

  U can’t see me anymore?

  Then close ur eyes.

  But u’ll miss this view.

  9.30pm Ms. Andrews

  Eva glanced at her watch; it was a couple of minutes shy of nine o’clock. She shook her head, brushed down her damp dress, and marched toward the nearest DART station. It was impulsive, and possibly a decision she would learn to regret, but at that moment, she didn’t care. Just one last time, she told herself. One. Last. Time.

  23

  The train’s wheels clattered against the tracks like an Allegro metronome. Its symphonic rhythm soothed Eva’s nerves. It passed across low bridges over city centre traffic and whizzed through dark tunnels. Eva listened intently to the announcement of every station, terrified she would miss her stop. She lived a thirty-minute bus journey in the opposite direction; this side of the city was all new and somewhat intimidating to her. She liked the familiarity of her daily commute, and stepping outside that comfort zone, even if it was for Julian, made her want to turn back.

  ‘The next station is Dun Laoghaire. Please mind the gap.’

  Eva stood up and waited as almost all passengers disembarked. She was happy to let them pass and followed their lead. She took a deep breath as she stepped onto the platform and fresh, sea air filled her lungs. Brief memories of happy summers on Jersey Shore, with her family, made her smile, before the pain of the years that followed rushed into her mind. She pushed all thoughts of her past life aside and followed her nose toward the sea.